Something to learn

Regrets, disappointments, sadness were mixed up. I didn’t really know why this happened to me. An event that I really want to join has over. I was quite surprise when someone told me the result. My body was stunt and my blood was going to burst. What had I done when I was in the previous event? What really made me fail? Was it me or my parents? Besides, my heart cries, a big wound were left in my deepest heart when I read a message : “Thanks for participating.”

Let’s rewind the story just before the first event began. My parents did not agree if I competed in the first event. But I forced myself and my parents to allow me to compete it. I just wondered, should not I have joined the first event so I would not fell this? Besides all of these, I never regretted that I tried to do what I wanted, even though my parents, truly, did not allow me to go.

There had to be something that I had learnt from this. But what was that? I did not know it. What I was feeling were only a pain, great regret, and sadness.

Once, I ever thought that I was not as clever as her or him. But, again, this was not the main problem. I just could not regard hardwork as the only way to achieve something. And also I was not confident enough with myself. And also there was no support from my parents and so on. There were too many excuses that made this stress more powerful to prove me that “I am nobody”.

Mrs. Kosasih once told me, “Know your worth”. This sentence hit me hard. Even, I did not know how much I am worth for myself, I did not really know who I am, I never appreciated what I did, I never regarded myself as a big person, I always considered other’s better than mine. How can I know that I am worthy if I always mock myself? That really irritated me, both inside and outside.

But a mistake I created when I entered high school was I chose 2 kinds of extracurricular which were really different. I was too idealistic, that I could take it all, but I felt the rest this time, I lost A VERY BIG CHANCE IN MY LIFE. This was a really big wound in my heart.

What I could hold was: God has a very beautiful plan in my life. I believe that it is only a bitter experience to prepare me to next chances. It hurt me every time there was the next of this event. This time I thought that I deserved to get it. But God has his own way that I still do not understand what He is creating in my life.

God please release me from this pain, make me ready to receive your very beautiful plan in my life, create me into a strong person, make me into a humble person, spread the spirit of perseverance in my life and always lead me to Your perfect way. AMEN

You Are What You Say

Once I thought that I often said ,”lazy” in my life. It really influenced me to be a lazy person. Believe me, or you just try by yourself. So, never say lazy to do something in your life.

Time

Time moves fast. I am now 3rd grade (?) unbelievable! It is the end of my struggles in this high school. It's crucial! I have many hopes that I have to accomplish for this last grade. I hope I can finish them well. May God lead me and light me always on the right way.

Self Muse

1. You need to work fast, but also you have to be patient.
2. You have to create your own vision, but listening to others is also needed.
3. You have to express your opinions, but do not hurt people's feeling.

Everything just have to be balanced and you are going to be a better person.

Unstable

It's been a long time since my last post. In that period of time, I gained many experiences which were joyful, sad, and even fantastic. I wrote about Oliver! in the last post. I would like to share activities that I had since that time.

After Oliver! Project was accomplished, I competed national computing olympiad (OSN) with my two friends, Aldibaraniz, the one who was the youngest of all, and William Agung Prabowo, one of my bestfriends that I have. We assumed that this year, AP (it stands for Agung Prabowo) have a great chances to get a medal in the last OSN. Nevertheless, we all promised each other to get medals each other and brought Canisius into national competition.

The preparation began before the OSK. Canicomp, an extracurricular which has only 5 people of tenth and eleventh graders, which were me, Aldibaraniz, William Agung Prabowo, Panji Wisesa, and Febrian Yuwono, is declining in its performance. I, who was chosen to be the leader of this organization, wanted a better future so canicomp could become a big extracurricular again as it was. We all struggled from zero to hero. Getting a new place to study was a very big change in canicomp since this extracurricular schedule had the same schedule as mulok had. So the new place which was beside multimedia room was a grace from God to this extracurricular.

Actually, I loved this extracurricular, why? Because since I was in junior high school, I was already taught about programming in this extracurricular. At that time, canicomp was a very big and very prestigious extracurricular (I thought). Ricky Jeremiah thought me about sequences of numbers that I did not understand at that time. But since then, I decided to join this extracurricular when I got to high school.

Days changed. We all passed in OSK test and very proud of this. The our next target is OSP. OSP was quite frightening I thought. Only ten people was selected from hundreds of people. Weeks changed. Ap did not pass the OSP test, but we praised God that Aldi still competed this competition as he was the youngest of all.

The OSN was in Medan. Many trainings we faced before we went to Medan. We got a lot of friends, Jessica, Dikra, Alif, Jonathan, Jennifer, and Gozali. They were great friends. We had great tutors too, they were Ricky Jeremiah (ex-canicomp), Reinardus Surya Pradhitya (ex-canicomp), and Angelina Veni. We were trained so we could face the oncoming OSN. First, we were trained in Bandung with Brian and then we were trained in Ancol.

(Fast forward, the story is too long)

Canisius had one bronze medal. It was a great achievement that we know last year we did not get anything. Canicomp had more than 20 people of new members. And national training will come. I must prepared for this that I have sacrificed a lot of things (also the reason I wrote this post). I want to thank to one person that I can't explain here and also the reason I chose “unstable” as the title.